Parents living with complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) face a unique set of challenges. Let’s explore the existential crisis that parents like myself may experience, particularly when they have a highly energetic, or spirited, child who is in a sensory seeking mode. Does my child’s behavior reflect my parental inadequacy or is it a manifestation of their own age-appropriate development (or even neurodivergence)? Simply put, is my kid too much or am I just a weak parent?
Complex PTSD is a mental health condition that can develop in individuals who have experienced prolonged and severe trauma. Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a neurodevelopmental condition characterized by difficulties in social interaction, communication, and sensory processing. Both conditions can greatly influence a parent’s perspective and ability to cope with specific challenges. Society is inherently ableist due to social standards that promotes neurotypical behavior and punishes neurodivergent behavior, regardless of the reason for the behavior. Most, if not all, autistic adults experience signs of CPTSD due to their parents, teachers, and caregivers unknowingly using techniques stemming from applied behavior analysis (ABA) in an attempt to control their outward autistic behavior.
Parenting an autistic child with complex PTSD is undeniably demanding. The juggling act between managing personal struggles and meeting the needs of a sensory-seeking child can lead to feelings of overwhelm, self-doubt, and existential questioning. This crisis may arise from the fear of not being able to provide adequate support for the child or feeling like one’s own struggles contribute to the child’s difficulties.
It is crucial to recognize that being autistic, or otherwise neurodivergent, and having complex PTSD does not equate to weakness as a parent. Each individual’s strengths and limitations should be appreciated, understanding that parental capabilities can be influenced by personal circumstances. In fact, the unique experiences and empathy garnered from facing these challenges may provide parents with valuable insights and compassion for their child’s neurodivergent needs.
Instead of viewing a child’s sensory-seeking behavior as a reflection of parental weakness, it is helpful to reframe the narrative. Sensory seeking in autistic children is a common characteristic that can stem from their neurological makeup. Understanding this allows parents to focus on creating a supportive and nurturing environment that meets their child’s sensory needs, while also seeking strategies to manage their own well-being.
Parents experiencing an existential crisis in the face of these challenges should not hesitate to seek support. This can come in the form of counseling, support groups, or online communities where they can connect with others facing similar situations (like me, I was faced with such an identity crisis when my child was 2.5 years old). Prioritizing self-care is also essential, as it enables parents to maintain their own mental and emotional well-being, allowing them to better support their child. As they say, put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others. Or, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Whatever metaphor speaks to you.
Parenting as an autistic adult with complex PTSD while raising a sensory-seeking autistic child can undoubtedly lead to an existential crisis. However, it is crucial to approach this with self-compassion and understanding. By reframing perspectives, seeking support, and practicing self-care, parents can navigate these complex challenges and provide the love and support their child needs. Remember, being a strong parent does not mean being perfect—it means showing up and doing your best each day. You deserve every ounce of that child’s unconditional love just by being you and loving them. The parent your child deserves is you.
