Sex education taught in most American public schools is not effective in general, but especially for neurodivergent kids. If you’re unfamiliar with the term “neurodivergent” it comes from the word “neurodiversity.”
Neurodiversity describes all the diversity across humanity in how we think and our cognitive functions.
Neurodivergent is someone who has one or more conditions that affect the brain such as an intellectual disability, autism spectrum disorder (ASD), attention deficit hyperactive disorder (ADHD), bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder (BPD), generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), etc.
Neurotypical is someone who does not have any conditions that affect the brain.
What Mainstream Sex Education was Like
I am autistic, and I remember the first time sex was brought up was when I was in the 6th grade (so 11 and 12-year-olds). This is already too late to introduce concepts like menstruation because even I already had my first period. Kids with uteruses can start having periods as young as eight years old. If a child is literally experiencing something about their body, then they are owed an opportunity to have it explained to them.
That class in 6th grade was only two weeks long. The “real” class where we learned about contraception (basically just abstinence, condoms, pills, shots, and vaginal inserts, but with a heavy emphasis on abstinence since it was the only method that was “100% effective against STDs and pregnancy” as if that was the most important fact ever) and watched what looked like someone’s amateur home movie of vaginal birth was two years later when we were a bunch of 13 and 14-year-olds.
And that class was only for a few months. After that, absolutely nothing. My school district apparently thought that was enough and yet were totally confused about why we had teen parents taking night school (and the sexism was obvious as the gestational teen parent was the one that took night classes while the other contributing teen parent continued their normal life).
Why Mainstream Sex Education Doesn’t Work
I’ll yell it from the rooftops for the people in the back: mainstream sex education doesn’t work for anyone! For starters, here are the top reasons I believe why our current sex education does not work well for neurodiversity.
1. Sex Education is Presented Too Late
Most people first learn about their own reproductive system after they’ve experienced sex, arousal, and/or menstruation. By the time we are formally taught this information, we already know enough that we’re not going to listen to the clinical explanation and therefore not take any of the consequences seriously. As a result, people who discovered that sex was enjoyable weighed that pro against the “risk of pregnancy or whatever” con and ultimately continued to have the sex.
About 90% of teenage girls learned about abstinence or birth control in sex education classes, but for 83% of them, those classes came after they started having sex.
Matt Goins, Lexington Herald-Leader / MCT
2. Sex Education Content is Vague
Many autistic people have rigid thinking patterns. Additionally, autism and ADHD may have an impact on an individual’s cognitive flexibility. In both cases, this means specific language that can be taken at face value to ensure clarity is an effective communication method.
When children are learning to name their body parts, we often exclude the words for butt, penis, scrotum, and vulva. Instead, I hear grown adults say bum/bottom, privates, swimsuit area, or my personal favorites “yoo-hoo” and “hoo-ha”. Children, teens, and adults who are disabled in such a way that they cannot pick up subtle communication clues may become confused, anxious, stressed, and ultimately overwhelmed by these ambiguous terms.
Using the correct terms for our bodies helps prevent and/or report sexual abuse. It also helps build a positive body image (because we’re not modeling behavior that implies we’re ashamed of these parts by using nicknames for them) and reduces the stress and anxiety that comes with being confused over inconsistent communication.
3. Sex Education is Not Inclusive
Sex education is based on heteronormative Christian values and is not inclusive. When sex is taught in a formal setting here in America, it’s either referring to oral sex performed on a penis or penetrative sex between a penis and a vagina. I should also specify that all depicted penises were circumcised, which I think is strange when only about 38% of the penises globally are circumcised. The educational content clearly does not represent the population.
If I remember correctly, there was one class that briefly discussed anal sex between two people with penises, but only in the context of AIDS, the AIDS epidemic, and sexually transmitted diseases and that we “shouldn’t do it.” There was no discussion on how to do it safely or what sex looks like between two people with vaginas. They also left it up to our imaginations as to how it works, no home movie to demonstrate that concept, and as I said before, vague communication is not effective communication.
Intersex people are excluded entirely and now there’s a lot of people who don’t believe they exist. Research suggests that autistic people are more sexually diverse than non-autistic people, so a whole lot of people are being tricked into thinking there’s just one way to have sex.
4. Sex Is Not Always a Choice
This is specifically about consensual sex (I feel like it’s obvious that sex you don’t consent to or were forced into is, by definition, not a choice). When you have an impulse control disorder, it can be difficult or even impossible to override your sexual urges when the opportunity presents itself.
Even if all parties are enthusiastically consenting but you have very valid reasons for considering not to, choosing to go ahead despite those logical reasons means it wasn’t ever really a choice. It was impossible for you to reason the urges away.
The choice made is just as much of a choice that an autistic person has when they meltdown due to food touching on their plate. Yes, they’re hungry. Yes, they want to eat. That’s exactly why it’s upsetting. We see the food touching and our autistic brain is telling us that it’s now contaminated and no longer viable for consumption. We are sad because we wanted it. We are sad because we can see everyone else is okay with it. We are sad because people are yelling at us for wasting food. We are sad because we didn’t have control over the situation earlier to prevent the food from touching.
It’s not our fault.
