Short answer: trans kids exist.
The neurotypical child develops the ability to recognize the binary gender expression before they even reach two years old. By the time they’re three, the neurotypical child may have a consistent gender identity label within the binary construct of gender and by age four, they have a stable sense of which of the binary options they are. Around the age of six, most neurotypical children will gravitate toward other kids that they associate with their gender during playtime.
I’ll say it again: trans kids exist.
If your kid is learning about non-binary and trans people from birth the way we teach the gender binary from birth, your child will be equipped with the language to tell you if they’re trans the same way they tell you if they’re a boy or a girl.
So yes, it’s absolutely possible to meet a 3-year-old trans child on the playground. It’s possible that your kid who was assigned female at birth prefers to play with those assigned male at birth in Kindergarten and then “comes out” as trans or non-binary in college when they finally learn the language you opted them out of during their childhood.
When 10-year-olds are divided into classrooms to learn about puberty for one specific body, it’s possible that’s not even how their body will experience it. I’ll let Dr. McCreight explain that:
In four years of medical school, three years of residency training, and nearly 30 years in practice as a family physician I have never been asked “what is the definition of a woman?”
Seems obvious that one could just look at the genitalia. You’re either a boy or a girl, right? Well, not always. Although it’s rare, many people are born with ambiguous genitalia. The OB/GYN and the pediatrician are simply unable to determine the sex. Historically, in consultation with the family, a sex would be assigned. Turns out that often as not the child would ultimately identify with the sex they were not assigned.
So it must be the chromosomes. The 23rd pair in humans is designated XX in females and XY in males. The Y chromosome determines male characteristics, so you are either a boy or a girl, right? Well, not always.
In embryology the default setting is female. The Y chromosome normally triggers male development. Ever heard of testicular feminization syndrome, now more properly referred to as androgen insensitivity syndrome? Sometimes an XY baby is born with essentially normal female external genitalia. The body simply does not respond to androgens associated with the Y chromosome. As the child grows and enters puberty there will be normal female breast development and other feminine characteristics. Unless genetic testing has been done at some point, the abnormality is not discovered until the teenage daughter presents to the doctor with concerns that menstruation has not started. Examination will reveal that the vagina ends in a blind pouch, no uterus, and undescended testes. They are often very feminine – cheerleaders, beauty pageant contestants, etc.
Nearly everybody is a “normal” XX or XY, has anatomy to match, and is perfectly at peace with themselves. But not everybody. Several studies have identified how the sexual diversity between men and women does not exclusively involve the genitals, but also the development of different brain areas. And just as genitals can be ambiguous, or not match what XY would predict, so can the brain in some instances develop in a different direction than the genitals. Animal studies suggest this is likely due to atypical levels of sex hormones in the womb.
One of several such structures studied in the human brain have involved an area of the limbic system known as the nucleus of the terminal stria. The volume of this area appears to be influenced by the stimulation of sex hormones during brain development, and in men the volume of this area is greater than in women. Scans of this area in transgender women (genetic/anatomic men who identify as females) resemble that of non transgender females. In this matter gender identity develops from the complex interactions between sex hormones and brain during its development; moreover, this appears to be genetically predetermined and is not influenced by hormonal stimuli during the adult phase. It is important to understand that at this point it is not known for certain what causes gender dysphoria or incongruence, just as we don’t know for certain what makes someone gay or for that matter, left handed.
—Joe McCreight, MD, PA, Mar. 31, 2022
Ignorance Fuels Depression
Imagine being a child who cannot speak. Let’s say you fall down and scrape your knee. You try to tell your parents about your knee, but you don’t have the words. You can’t say “blood” or “scrape.” The best you can come up with is pulling up your pantleg and pointing to your banged-up knee.
This is why communication matters. This is why we have words to describe the nuances of gender diversity. Unlike a bloodied knee, we can’t see gender. Gender is something we feel, experience, and express. We can’t just point to someone’s genitals, chromosomes, or brain patterns to say whether someone is a boy or a girl.
Ignoring these words, choosing not to teach them to children, will only harm their ability to understand the real world. The real world where people can be ambiguous. The real world where trans people exist. The real world where intersex people exist.
Children, especially toddlers, are very rigid in thinking compared to an adult who can have a more flexible thinking pattern. When kids are raised in an environment in which they’re not taught and modelled gender equality, the risk of sexist and gender-based violence increases. Their own interpersonal relationships may suffer.
In a world where actions speak louder than words, it is not what you say but what you do that will shape your child’s gender expectations. Model and promote gender equality. They may not know what sexist behaviour is at four, but this way they’ll be less likely to demonstrate it at 14.
—Associate Professor Kimberley Norris, Clinical Psychologist and Psychological Scientist
While a young child may not know they’re behaving in a sexist, homophobic, or transphobic manner toward their peers, they’re still capable of hurting others. Likewise, it could be your kid getting hurt.
Sources & References
- Jason Rafferty, MD, MPH, EdM. FAAP, “Gender Identity Development in Children” (Sept. 18, 2018). American Academy of Pediatrics.
- Vanessa LoBue, “When do children develop their gender identity?” (Mar. 29, 2016). The Conversation.
- Kimberley Norris, “Can a four-year-old be sexist?” (Apr. 5, 2017). The Conversation.
- Photo by Melina Londero on Scopio.
Editor's Note: This article was originally published on , and was last reviewed on . Looks like Dr. McCreight’s original post on Facebook was edited. The quote here was updated to match.
